What To Do If You Suspect A Child Is Being Abused

What Is Child Sexual Abuse?

Child sexual abuse can happen to girls and boys of any age (0-18 years old) from all backgrounds and neighborhoods. Sexual abuse can be any sexual act performed with a child, to a child or in the presence of a child for the sexual gratification of another. Child sexual abuse can range from unwanted kissing to sexual intercourse. Sexual abuse can include touching and physical contact as well as solicitation, pornography and on-line enticement. Most sexual abuse is committed by people the child knows as well as strangers. People who sexually abuse children can be friends, relatives, caregivers, trusted adults and strangers. Child sexual abuse may be defined differently by different groups of people such as counselors, police, and child protection agencies. What should be kept in mind is that sexual abuse affects children and parents in a variety of different ways. Each person’s experience is unique.

What Child Sexual Behaviors Are Normal?

It’s normal to expect that children may engage in some types of sexual behavior. But, it’s also difficult to decide what sexual behaviors are normal and what behaviors are concerning and/or abusive. Children’s sexual behaviors can be influenced by their age, their parents’ religious beliefs and values as well as the family’s background. In addition, children develop differently. They have unique personalities, behaviors and sexual interests.

For helpful information about child sexual development, please visit:

1. www.tcavjohn.com. This is a link to Dr. Toni Cavanagh Johnson’s website where you can purchase an affordable and useful booklet about normal and concerning child sexual behaviors. The booklet is available in English and Spanish.
2. www.aap.org. This is a link to the American Academy of Pediatrics where you can learn more about child sexual development and explore many other health topics.
3. www.kidshealth.org. This is a link to the KidsHealth organization where parents, children and teens can learn about sexual development and other health topics.

What Child Sexual Behaviors Are Not Normal?

When trying to decide if a sexual behavior is normal, it’s important for parents to be aware of and think about several things. Concerning and/or abusive behavior can include sexual activity between children that is kept secret, occurs between children with a sizable age difference and/or children with unequal power or developmental levels. Parents should consider whether the child’s behavior appears to be compulsive, if the child seems to be obsessed with it, and/or if the child is not able or does not respond to the parents’ redirection. Normal child sexual behaviors are often accompanied by giggling and amusement. Concerning and/or abusive sexual behaviors can be accompanied by physical force, threats, intimidation, rewards, promises, gifts and/or coercion.

When in doubt, parents should seek help immediately from a mental health professional, call the Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-25ABUSE or contact the Chicago Children’s Advocacy Center information line at 1-866-703-HOPE.

References:

1. Johnson, Tony Cavanagh, ‘Understanding Children’s Sexual Behaviors: What’s Natural and Healthy’, 1998, South Pasadena, California.
2. American Academy of Pediatrics at http://www.aap.org
3. KidsHealth at http://www.kidshealth.org
4. Pithers, W., Gray, A.,Cunningham, C. and Lane, S. 1993, ‘From Trauma to Understanding: A Guide for Parents of Children with Sexual Behavior Problems’, The Safer Society Press, Brandon, VT.

How Can I Tell if a Child Has Been Sexually Abused?

The best indicator of sexual abuse is when a child tells you he/she has been abused. Children seldom lie about sexual abuse, although sometimes they do. While there are some strong physical indicators of sexual abuse, such as sexually transmitted diseases in young children and pregnancies in young adolescents, there are often few or no physical signs of sexual abuse. Several physical indicators of sexual abuse include but are not limited to bladder and urinary infections, scratching and painful genitals (especially during urination), uncontrollable bowel movements as well as torn, stained or bloody underclothing.

There is also no one behavioral change that is a positive indicator of sexual abuse. However, some possible behaviors related to sexual abuse include sudden changes in personality (depression, anxiety and withdrawal), suicidal thoughts, prostitution, advanced knowledge and/or interest in sexual acts that are beyond the child’s developmental level and extreme guilt. Some children may also display no changes in behavior. The sexual abuse might only be discovered when the child makes a disclosure and/or through medical treatment. Not all children react to child sexual abuse the same.

When child sexual abuse is reported in Chicago, and in most other areas, specially trained professionals conduct an interview of the child. The interview is a conversation between the professional and the child that is done in a child friendly way and is sensitive to the child and his or her needs.

Children may also receive a sensitive medical examination by a pediatrician that is trained to do non-invasive medical exams. Parents have an opportunity to discuss the exam with doctors and ask questions. Doctors are able to use special equipment to detect injuries that otherwise might not be visible. It is important that medical exams for victims of child abuse are done by doctors who have special medical training.

Why Don’t Children Tell About Sexual Abuse?

Sometimes, children don’t tell about sexual abuse, refuse to talk about it or deny that something happened. The child might be afraid to tell because the abuser hurt or threatened to hurt the child or family members. The abuser might have also threatened to hurt their self if the child tells. Children might think if they tell they will be taken away from their family or have to move. Children are also sensitive to others and might not say something because they don’t want their family to feel sad or angry about the abuse. Some children believe the abuser loves them and/or they don’t want to lose their relationship. The child might also keep the abuse a secret because the abuser made them promises or gave them gifts or rewards so they wouldn’t tell anyone about the abuse. Other children might believe the abuse is normal. They may also feel too ashamed or embarrassed to tell anyone about the abuse.

What Do I Say to My Child if He or She Discloses Sexual Abuse to Me?

Hearing your child talk about sexual abuse can be a difficult and painful experience. Parents often feel a range of emotions from sadness, worry and fear to frustration and anger. It’s important to support yourself through this time. Be sure you have someone you trust to talk with. Think about counseling and other support services for your child and family. Remember, it’s okay to ask for and receive help.

Keep in mind how difficult it may have been for your child to tell you about the abuse. He or she may have been threatened not to tell or feel ashamed and embarrassed. Remember that children seldom lie about sexual abuse. Never promise that you will keep what your child tells you a secret. However, it’s also important to consider your child and family’s privacy by assuring your child that you’ll only share the information with people who need to know. Allow your child to use his or her own words. Reassure your child that what he or she tells you will not change the way you feel about them. Let your child know that they did the right thing by telling you. Explain that he or she has done nothing wrong. Do your best to keep your emotions in check. Children watch adults closely and may be affected by our reactions. Don’t dismiss your child’s story, panic or criticize your child. Do your best to let your child know what will happen next. If you don’t know an answer to your child’s question, it’s okay to say “I don’t know”. Use language that is age appropriate so your child will understand.

How Do I Report Child Sexual Abuse?

• Call 1-800-25-ABUSE (1-800-252-2873).
• This number is the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services (IDCFS) Child Abuse and Neglect Hotline. The Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
• Call 911. This is the Chicago Police emergency number.

Who Should Report Abuse?

Anyone can report child abuse. The protection of children is everyone’s responsibility and the law provides that anyone may make a report to the IDCFS Hotline.

What Happens After I Make a Child Abuse Report in Chicago?

The IDCFS operator will listen to your report, ask questions to gather information and tell you if the report has been accepted. If the report is accepted, it will be sent to the Chicago Children’s Advocacy Center (CCAC). In most cases, a CCAC intake worker will call the family, explain our services and schedule a time for the child and family to come to the CCAC. At the CCAC, the Department of Children and Family Services, the Chicago Police and the Cook County State’s Attorneys work together to complete sexual abuse investigations. The CCAC is child friendly and designed to minimize trauma to children and families resulting from sexual abuse. The CCAC was created to support and help families through the investigation process.

How Does the CCAC Help Children and Families After a Child Abuse Report?

The CCAC offers a variety of support services for families, including medical, mental health and family advocacy services (see Programs page).

How Can I Do My Best to Keep Children Safe?

• Remember, the person who abuses a child is to blame for the abuse!


• Always know the people who care for your children. Write down babysitter’s names, phone numbers and addresses.


• Always know and use the “W” questions with your child: Who, What, Where and When. This applies to physical activities such as going to the park and on-line activities such as visiting chat rooms.


• Be involved in your child’s activities.


• Be sensitive to changes in your child’s behavior or attitude. Look and listen for small cues and clues that something might be wrong.


• Listen to your intuition or your “gut feeling”.


• Teach your child to listen to his or her intuition or “gut feeling” and communicate it to you.


• When your child tells you they do not like someone, ask them to tell you why.


• Teach your child that it’s okay to tell, no matter who, no matter what!


• Maintain supportive, open communication with your child; talk and listen.


• Talk about safety and sex with your child.


• Remember that children should not be held responsible for protecting themselves from sexual abuse by adults.


• Carefully supervise and establish clear rules and guidelines for your child’s computer use.


• Educate yourself (read, listen and ask).

References:

• National Center for Missing and Exploited Children at www.missingkids.org
• National Children’s Advocacy Center at www.nationalcac.org

Helpful Websites:

www.state.il.us/dcfs (Illinois Department of Children and Family Services)
www.isp.state.il.us/sor (sex offender registration information)
www.preventchildabuseillinois.org (information about child abuse prevention)
www.aap.org (American Academy of Pediatrics)
www.nationalcac.org (National Children’s Advocacy Center)
www.kidshealth.org (Kids Health Organization)

Internet Safety:

www.netsmartz.org
www.wiredsafety.org
www.safekids.com
www.wiredwithwisdom.org
www.myspaceforparents.com
www.software4parents.com (software for parents)
www.pcanswer.com (software for parents)